Men's Mental Health at Christmas

By Noel Daly

In my work with men, I often observe a subtle but persistent belief: that it is somehow incorrect or burdensome for them to speak about what they feel. This isn’t always rooted in shame or low self-esteem. Many men hold themselves in high regard and function confidently in their personal and professional lives. Yet beneath that competence lies an early-learned conviction that emotional expression is inconsiderate. In other words: to reveal distress, uncertainty, or tenderness will place an unwanted weight on others - that this is simply not what men should do.

Christmas carries expectations of warmth, generosity, and connection. But it also brings

pressure: to maintain harmony, to keep things cheerful, to avoid disrupting the collective rhythm of celebration. For men who have long believed that emotional honesty risks burdening others, these expectations can reinforce their instinct to pull away, and step into the background.

During the busyness of gatherings and the noise of family life, it can seem easier, even kinder, not to speak. Many men channel their energy into practical contributions or humour, staying outwardly engaged while keeping their interior world contained. What may look like withdrawal is often an expression of care: an attempt to protect others from what they assume would be unwelcome or inconvenient emotion.

This dynamic doesn’t necessarily stem from emotional limitation. Rather, it reflects a lifetime of conditioning that equates silence with strength and restraint with kindness. In the context of Christmas, a season saturated with social performance, the cost of that conditioning can become more visible, not as dramatic absence, but as a quiet fading from emotional participation.

It is important to recognise this as an observation, not a universal truth. There are men who speak openly and freely, just as there are women who find such openness difficult. Still, this pattern is worth noticing. Especially at a time of year that prizes connection.

For men, it may be worth considering that saying something small and genuine about their stresses is not a burden, but a healthy way of taking part. For those who know men like this, it may be worth paying closer attention, making space, asking how someone is, and listening without rushing in to reassure or wave away concerns.