The Lens that We Whoose to Wear

By Mary Clare Douglas

This season can be a challenging or an opportune time, depending on the lens that you choose to wear! What lens will you intentionally choose to wear, and what are the consequences? When we are choosing what glasses to purchase or ‘buy in to’, or ‘accept’ we might think of the advantages and disadvantages of the selection. Or we feel rushed and select based on what is available, without really thinking! When we are deciding to buy glasses, we select based on our personal preference, and based on how much money is available to us at the time. Often, we need to maintain the glasses, by changing the lens, or ensuring that they do not get so dirty, or clouded that we can’t see clearly.

We might ask ourselves- What are my options? If my preference is not in stock, do I choose a different pair, or wait until what I prefer arrives? You adapt based on your preferences, time, and personal resources. In life, we learn to say Yes or No to requests, situations, people, experiences. Often, we say Yes when we would really like to Say No! Our balance of Yes and No’s can become imbalanced, and we might over give to others, or under give to ourselves. We can operate on an automatic people pleasing mode. Stating our preference can seem scary and require courage. It is possible though! In different seasons, we may require different approaches, and different lens. It can be an opportune time to choose your own personal preference. When choosing our perspectives or lens, it can be helpful to ask ourselves some helpful clarifying questions:

These can include:

1. What is it specifically about this situation that I do not like, or is making me feel uncomfortable?

2. Can I communicate my preference or needs to this person?

3. Is there another way of looking at this experience? Is there something new to be learned?

4. In 5 years from now will this matter?

5. Am I only noticing the bad stuff and filtering out the good?

6. Is there an immediate solution that I can help improve this situation for myself?

7. Right now, what would be most helpful for me to address?

8. Am I overwhelmed and need to break down the problem into manageable parts?

9.  What action am I avoiding that would help me?

10. What choices can I make to soothe myself?

11. Is the way that I am thinking, feeling, or choosing limiting me?

12. Perhaps instead of choosing the lens of ‘I can’t, perhaps you could shift your focus on the lens of ‘what can I do here’ to help myself?

13. Can I allow myself to say ‘No’ to you and ‘Yes’ to me right now?

14. Am I telling myself that your happiness is more important than mine?

15. What would be the most helpful choice for me right now?

16. Based on my personal available resources right now, what is possible and what isn’t possible?

17. What are the positive and negatives about my current thinking, feelings and choices?