Why January Change Is Hard

Every January, people make the same promises to themselves.

This year, I will finally get fit.This year, I will stop procrastinating.

This year, I will get my life together.

By February, most of those goals are abandoned. What usually replaces them is disappointment and shame.

“I knew I would fail.”

“There is something wrong with me.”

“I just do not have the discipline other people have.”

Most New Year’s resolutions don’t fail because people do not care, but because they are built on self-criticism, unrealistic thinking, and an overloaded nervous system.

The inner critic usually drives resolutions

Many goals do not come from what we value; they come from what we think is wrong with us.

“I should be thinner.”“I should be more productive.”“I should be more organised.”

These thoughts often come from deeply held schemas that are not always in our conscious awareness. They sound like motivation, but they are actually forms of self-attack.

When a goal is driven by “I am not good enough,” every small slip feels like proof of that belief. One missed gym session becomes “what is the point,” one bad day becomes “I have made a bags of it.”

CBT helps us recognise that these are not facts, they are automatic thoughts shaped by old learning and past life experiences.

All-or-nothing thinking kills consistency

A very common unhelpful thinking pattern in January is what is known as “all-or-nothing thinking.”.

“If I eat one unhealthy meal, the week is ruined.”

“If I miss a day, I may as well stop.”

This way of thinking turns normal human fluctuation into a reason to quit. Behaviour change does not work like this. It can be messy, inconsistent, and full of false starts.

CBT works by helping people notice these thinking traps and respond differently.

Instead of “I have failed,” the reframe becomes “I had one difficult day, what is the next helpful step?”

Willpower is not enough when the nervous system is overloaded

After Christmas, many people are emotionally and physically drained. Sleep, routine, finances, family stress, alcohol, and social pressure all take a toll on the nervous system.

When the nervous system is dysregulated, the brain shifts into survival mode. In that state, planning, motivation, and self-control are much harder to access.

Trying to force significant life changes from this state often backfires. People push too hard, burn out, and then collapse into avoidance.

CBT takes this into account by starting small, stabilising routines, and building change in ways the nervous system can tolerate.

Outcome goals versus behaviour goals

Most resolutions are outcome-based.

“I will lose two stone.”

“I will be happy.”

“I will be more confident.”

The problem is that outcomes are not entirely in our control. What we can control are behaviours.

CBT focuses on turning vague goals into specific, doable actions.

Instead of “I will get fit,” this becomes “I will walk for 20 minutes three times a week.”Instead of “I will stop feeling anxious,” this becomes “I will practice one coping skill when anxiety shows up.”

These become behavioural experiments. Shifting the goals from achieving perfect outcomes to learning what actually supports change.

Planning for setbacks instead of being derailed by them

Instead of pretending things will go perfectly, you plan for what will go wrong.

What thoughts show up when I miss a day?What do I usually do when I feel discouraged?What would a compassionate, helpful response look like instead?

This shifts the goal from “never fail” to “recover more quickly when I struggle.”

That is how real change happens.

The real New Year shift

The most powerful New Year goal is not self-improvement, it is self-understanding.

When you learn how your mind, beliefs, and nervous system work, you stop fighting yourself. You start working with yourself.

That is what CBT is really about. Not becoming perfect, but becoming more aware, more flexible, and more kind in how you change.

And that is what actually makes change last.