The Holidays After Loss: It’s Okay Not to Be “Merry and Bright”

By Simona Pilloni

The holiday season often comes with expectations of joy, laughter, and togetherness, but if you’ve lost someone you love, it can feel heavy, lonely, or even overwhelming. Not feeling “merry and bright” during this time is normal, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Grief doesn’t take a holiday, and your emotions are valid.

During this season, traditions and gatherings may feel bittersweet or exhausting. It’s okay to set boundaries: decline invitations, simplify plans, or adjust celebrations to suit your emotional needs. Small acts of self-care (lighting a candle in remembrance, journaling, or taking quiet moments for yourself) can provide comfort.

Therapy or support groups can help you navigate this difficult time. Talking about your feelings, honouring your loved one, and finding gentle ways to remember them can make grief more manageable.

Missing someone doesn’t make you weak, and feeling sadness doesn’t make you ungrateful. Allowing yourself to feel fully—whether that’s sorrow, nostalgia, or quiet reflection—is part of healing.

This season, give yourself compassion and patience. Grief is not a flaw; it’s a sign of love. By accepting your feelings, you create space for peace and connection, even amid the holiday lights.